People watch sports for all sorts of reasons. There’s the thrill of competition. The visceral, kinetic excitement of watching history unfold in real time. The wonder of watching human beings extend the limits of what is physically possible. Geographic loyalty and pride. Escapism. Nostalgia. Boredom. Gambling. I cycle between all these myself — I get to toss in “professional obligation” too — but there’s nothing inherently wrong, or illogical, about any of them. I am not going to harsh anyone’s mellow: You do you.

But I have to ask a question I’ve been pondering my entire adult life. I ask with sincerity, curiosity, and legitimate bewilderment:

Why the hell does anyone watch the NFL Draft?

Lord knows I understand why so many people watch the NFL. (The league was responsible for 72 of the 100 most-watched television programs last year, a number that will only go up in 2025 — unfortunately not a presidential election year.) But the ubiquity of the NFL Draft, which begins Thursday night in Green Bay, remains staggering to me. What was once a sleepy, bureaucratic event where old white men in fedoras sat in a dark room and smoked cigarettes while making their picks by marking them on a chalkboard is now one of the signature events on the sports calendar. Its seven rounds now span a full three days, and the NFL and Green Bay have estimated roughly 250,000 people will travel to freezing Wisconsin to sit in a parking lot outside a football stadium where there is, in fact, no football being played. If you have paid even passing attention to sports over the last month, you will have seen more coverage and promotion of the NFL Draft than the first month of the MLB season, the NBA and NHL playoffs, and college sports’ various transfer portals. It’s the lead story on ESPN and CBS Sports right now, and it probably will be every second until the draft is over. There is a person on ESPN.com who, I swear to God,

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