Between Donald Trump dropping slurs and racist musings at midterm rallies and his repeated odes to a GOP senator’s unremarkable ass, a lot of people have been asking if the president has been getting even nuttier in recent weeks. The 1,300-word rant about Bill Maher that the president posted on Sunday — his longest-ever on Truth Social — isn’t helping.

The diatribe is broken up into just three paragraphs. It’s missing key context, like the fact that Trump was responding to Friday’s episode of HBO’s Real Time, which was Maher’s first since he had dinner with Trump at the White House on October 15. Even if you do know that, random interjections about ratings for the 2017 series finale of The Apprentice and the possible addition of a White House swimming pool just contribute to the “guy you need to get away from ASAP on the subway” vibe.

The whole thing reads like you’ve dropped in on Trump complaining about Maher to a close friend, but half the conversation is missing. So, with some inspiration from the Film Which Must Not Be Spoiled, I have taken the liberty of imagining a conversation that might have made this Truth Social post make sense. All of Trump’s lines are drawn verbatim from his post with no omissions. All of my responses are total lies, as I have never spoken to the president about Bill Maher or any other matter.

But in another way, I’m not lying at all. I don’t have anything to deceive you on. Of course I’m not deceiving you. I’m engaging with our scarily unhinged president as a human being.

TRUMP: Let’s talk about this COMPLETE AND TOTAL LOSER, Bill Maher.

ME: There’s no need to shout, sir. But sure, what’s up with Bill Maher?

TRUMP: He’s got a Low Rated Show on equally Low Rated HBO, which was once, long ago, a Network of Quality and Excitement — But that’s all gone. It’s not “HOT” anymore!

ME: Huh, yeah I guess House of the Dragon isn’t really as much of a cultural phenomenon as Game of Thrones. Did you see Succession, though? I love that show! You actually remind me of one of the main characters.

TRUMP: Maher’s friend and business associate, Chuck LaBella, was also a friend of mine, worked on The Top Hit Show, The Apprentice, as a “gofer” and, because of the success of that show, Number One and Top Rated on many weeks, with the Finale’ being among the Top Shows of the Year, he was automatically and quickly brought up through the Ranks of NBC, along with everyone else associated with that Historic “Happening.”

ME: Sorry, I’m lost. The Apprentice was a “Happening”? You mean, like a mid-20th-century art event that “combined elements of dance, theater, music, poetry, and visual art to blur the boundaries between life and art and forge a path for new methods of artistic practice”?

TRUMP: The Success of the Apprentice was so great that everyone partook — It built many careers, and that is a wonderful thing.

ME: So you’re saying it was actually, like, performance art masquerading as a shitty 2000s reality-TV show?

TRUMP: Some people say it even built my career, because I became President (I would have won without it!).

ME: Okay, now I see what you’re saying. Yeah, it seems like having “performance artist” on........

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