When Pigs Fly Dept: The "remarkable failure" of prosecutors to indict the D.C. "hero with a hero" who hurled his sub at a neighborhood thug prompted glad praise that, "Ham sandwiches are finally getting a break." It also reflected a growing resistance to a fascist takeover that, with its inept efforts to turn small breaches - an open beer, a wrong door, a nap in the car - into felony charges, has judges, lawyer and an aggrieved populace denouncing it as merely, malignantly "fucking with people for no reason."

In the now-famous "assault with a deli weapon," Sean Dunn, a 37-year-old decorated Afghanistan veteran and former trial attorney and foreign affairs specialist with the DOJ, got up in the face of one masked, armed, burly goon among many in D.C., yelled, “Fuck you! You fucking fascists! Why are you here?" and hurled his wrapped sandwich, reportedly salami, at said goon's bullet-proof-vested chest before sprinting away. About 30 federal agents, with little else to do, chased down, handcuffed and arrested him. He was quickly released, but the next day, in the well-worn name of totalitarian pageantry, the DOJ recorded dozens of stormtroopers swarming his apartment, guns drawn Bin-Laden-like, to re-arrest him and charge him with felony assault for what U.S. Attorney Boxwine Pirro called "a serious crime," but definitely not like the Jan. 6 now-pardoned rioters who assaulted over 140 cops.

Despite the perp's later confession - "I did it. I threw a sandwich" - and the maxim that, given the famously low bar for grand jury hearings, resolute prosecutors can successfully find cause to indict a ham sandwich - the grand jury summoned to put away the "Hoagie Hero" basically responded to the evidence presented with, "Sandwich? What sandwich? I don't see no sandwich," and rejected the call to charge him with a felony. The "exceedingly rare," "sharp rebuke by ordinary citizens" fed up with the dystopian mayhem inflicted on them by bulked-up bullies on all sides rendered Dunn "America’s most famous food thrower since a bunch of guys in Boston hurled tea into the harbor." Like the refusal of LA residents to indict anti-ICE protesters, it showed most Americans reject the regime's cynical attempt to escalate minor scuffles into felony assaults, in the words of one attorney, as "horseshit."

To date, prosecutors have accused at least 17 people of felony “assaulting,” “resisting” or “impeding” a federal agent doing their "duty" since Trump declared his imaginary "crime crisis." As phalanxes of bored, masked, ill-trained cops - FBI, DEA, DHS, USBP - join D.C. police on patrols, the charges get preposterous, and the people get pissed. They caught Mark Bigelow with, gasp, "an open container of alcohol" in his parked van; when he struggled with cops shoving him into a squad car, he allegedly "struck" one. The same day, another mob went to investigate possible fireworks or gunfire; as they dispersed a crowd, Terrance Wilson "struck" an officer with his elbow; when his friend tried to retrieve her sweatshirt as he was carted away, she too diabolically "struck" an officer. When Rios Esquivel inadvertently took the wrong exit door at the zoo, multiple agents grabbed him for another felony.

As Pirro wildly pushes prosecutors to bring cases to court "with the most serious charges they can pursue" and tries to keep them in jail pending trial to impress Daddy with "big numbers" - helped by the ending of cashless bail - attorneys say the courts are "buckling." One DC public defender, "It’s a real mess." Meanwhile, prosecutorial failures to retool garden-variety encounters into fake "assault narratives" pile up. Prosecutors tried three times to indict Lori Reid for felony "assault" on a cop's hand at a protest; after grand juries kept calling bullshit, they reduced it to a misdemeanor. After Alvin Summers drove his car near the Mall where he shouldn't, police charged he "speed-walked away" and, when caught, "grabbed (a cop) by the upper body with force"; the grand jury rejected their testimony after seeing........

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