God sows the fastest growing seedlings not in our strengths, but in the soft soil of our weaknesses. Humility in facing failures grows in an aching conscience that inspires sincere amends for misdeeds. That process is essential to mental health. Without the effort of rectification, relationships remain imprisoned in their worst moments; painful memories slip the bonds of the past into a raw and debilitating present. The chance to understand mistakes and make amends is a great gift of being human.

Modern psychology has paid almost no attention to the processes of making amends, instead focusing on fortifying the ego in order to achieve self-directed goals. Making amends involves perforation and reformation of the ego through bold self-searching. It has been relegated to religious understanding and “higher power” recovery programs such as so-called 12-step programs. Making amends is often associated with substance abuse recovery, but amends can be made whenever a person or group face their behaviors that have harmed others, and reorient a damaged relationship toward an authentic and equal one.

The following will explain living amends in ongoing relationships, distinguish between amends and apology, and identify five egoic purposes associated with amends that actually undermine their value: 1) relieving guilt, 2) seeking forgiveness, 3) hoping to be trusted, 4) giving money or financial gain, and 5) enabling revenge or other mistreatment of the maker by the receiver. Finally, it will discuss the modern phenomenon of national amends-making, using the great example of the American nation toward its African-American minority.

Making amends is more than conversation based on a vague sense of shame, guilt, or a wish to make things better. It is the fruit of struggle with the truth about oneself. Amends-making has the advantage over other forms of relationship recovery because it offers remorse for specific harmful actions. Event-based amends arise out of regret for specific errors. Relationship-based, or living amends, arise out of remorse for a pattern of errors, in the context of a long-term relationship. But all amends begin in self-examination.

Amends-making........

© American Thinker