In the name of love, couples make all sorts of arrangements, from which side of the bed each partner sleeps on to who does the food shopping and laundry. But, according to Ramit Sethi, author of Money for Couples, couples talk far less often about their finances. “I’ll tell you that most couples do not have substantive conversations about money ever,” Sethi says. And when they do, it’s usually after something has gone wrong, like when a bill goes unpaid or a secret purchase is made.

One pivotal financial decision that awaits many couples in long-term relationships is whether or not they will merge finances. Most consider the maneuver ahead of milestones like moving in together, marriage, or having kids, but the conversation can also be prompted if one partner has lost a job or is taking time off work to go back to school. Every pair will have their own reasons for or against combining bank accounts and there are a variety of ways to go about it.

The decision may be one that triggers emotions like anxiety or shame, experts say, so it shouldn’t be made lightly. “This is one of the most significant financial transitions or changes that we experience in our lives,” says financial therapist Amanda Clayman, “going from a financial me to a financial we.”

Do you have a clear financial picture?

Long before ever considering combining finances, you should have a pretty good idea of your partner’s financial situation and vice versa. You should be transparent about each person’s income, saving habits, and debt, including how they’re planning to pay it off or if they might accumulate more, says financial planner Natasha Knox.

Clayman describes the financial arrangements most couples use as a one pot, two pot, or three pot system. “One pot is obviously everything goes into one pot,” she says. “Two pots is we keep everything separate, and three pots is we have a joint pot, and then we each maintain our individual kind of autonomy.” Of course, you can always open multiple joint accounts for various expenses, like a vacation fund or home renovation savings. Think about the pros and cons for each system.

Some scenarios where........

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