For decades, Christian relationship advice has trended toward regressive ideas about gender: namely, that women should be submissive to their husbands, who in turn are the head of the household. Those ideas arguably penetrated the mainstream with the rise of the tradwife and the idyllic image of the monogamous home life she represents.

Yet the romantic lives of modern Christian advice-givers are often a lot more complex than the traditional marriage roles they espouse. Millions of Christian conservative women who follow these authors seem to recognize that the writers’ imperfections are part of a longer journey toward self-improvement — a journey that might also reflect their own.

Nowhere is that contradiction more evident than in mega-successful Christian author and influencer Lysa TerKeurst.

On her way to amassing 3 million followers across social media, writing half a dozen New York Times bestsellers, and launching her own media network, TerKeurst has made messy confessionals a core part of her brand. TerKeurst spent most of the 2010s building her brand out of affirmative, Instagram-ready self-help advice, leaning heavily on the wholesome image of her family and her 25-year marriage. But then, something happened that might have been a dealbreaker for other Christian authors: TerKeurst got a divorce.

Similar episodes have damaged the careers of Christian celebrities who were branded “false teachers” and could not overcome perceptions of having sinned. TerKeurst, however, not only acknowledged her own failed relationship — she mined it for further wisdom, placing her among a new wave of Christian self-help authors, who are writing more candidly about their struggles. TerKeurst’s audience has responded by making her one of the most successful authors in the genre: She currently has not one, not two, but five books concurrently on the Evangelical Christian Publishers Association’s Christian bestsellers list.

TerKeurst’s popularity appears to demonstrate a longing for a less rigid, more forgiving view of Christian relationships, even as her fans continue to revere the idea of a traditional marriage.

TerKeurst made her vulnerability a cornerstone of her brand

For decades, the average Christian self-help book has framed marriage as a divinely ordained arrangement that’s ultimately about serving God and reifying gender roles. Classic texts like 1963’s Fascinating Womanhood and 1984’s Passion and Purity that are still popular today forward antiquated views on women (for example that man is “the initiator,” woman “the responder” and “helper”), while the purity culture that dominated the books of the ’90s continues to influence today’s authors.

From the beginning, TerKeurst was an outlier in advocating mutual partnerships in marriages — a theme well out of step with her peers.

The theme of women’s submission to men was and is ubiquitous. To get a flavor, just read a passage from Stormie Omartian’s 1996 bestseller The Power of a Praying Wife: “Lord, help me to be a good wife,” she writes. “Take my selfishness,........

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