​It’s one thing to point out the very real challenges modern women face in dating. It’s quite another to say it’s all his fault.

Much is being written about “heteropessimism”/“heterofatalism”–modern first world women’s frustration and disappointment when dating men. In much of this discussion, when a man is not ​sufficiently interested in a particular woman, or is ​not making enough of an effort to court​ or please this woman, the problem is men, full stop​. Remarkably, the possibility that a woman’s actions, or attitude, or expectations could be part of the problem is seldom discussed.

For example, in Sex After 60 in Sag Harbor, author Candace Bushnell​ is negative about practically every man she and her friends meet. In 5,500 words about her and their dating lives, we hear not one “good guy but we just weren’t compatible” or “good guy, bad timing.” And certainly not a single “good guy–wish I hadn’t screwed it up.”

When a man Bushnell dated briefly has a new relationship, she informs us ​only that ​his new girlfriend “had found someone to help pay the bills and fill up her time.” After all, what else could he have to offer?

Because Bushnell feels these men are not sufficiently interested in dating women ​her age–“the odds of a woman finding a partner after 60 are not particularly good”, she tells us–the men​ are written off entirely. Whatever they have done in their long, eventful lives–advanced the cause of medicine or science, succeeded in business and became philanthropists, devoted themselves to educating youth, served honorably in the military, been devoted fathers and grandfathers–is of no account. 

These harsh rules appear to only go one way–Bushnell herself makes it clear that she is still........

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