We’re reminded to check everything except what matters most.

Australia has perfected the art of the polite reminder – we’re regularly nudged to check what’s happening inside and out. At 50, the government sends a discreet birthday gift, and we return the favour with our poo. Cervical and breast screening follow the same formula: the right age, a simple tool, and the shared understanding that it’s just what responsible adults do.

Melissa Reader: When my husband, Mauro, was dying of cancer, we had no conversations and no guidance to prepare us.

Yet the reminders stop short of life’s final chapter – the most predictable stage we’ll ever face, certain to touch each of us in our own ageing and in those we love. For all our check-ups and scans, we’ve skipped the final nudge – to make a meaningful plan before crisis hits. It’s not just a missed opportunity; it’s a collective blindness. A moral failing.

The result is a profound misalignment between what people want, what families experience, and what the system delivers. Most Australians say they want to be cared for and to die in a home-like setting, surrounded by the people and........

© The Sydney Morning Herald