Sussan Ley, as your teacher I’m duty bound to give you an honest appraisal of your work.

I’ve just read your team research assignment on Australian energy and climate policy and I’m afraid to say that unless you and your other team members pull up your socks, you will be forced to repeat 2025.

I had hoped that the appalling exam result you all received on 3 May would have been a wake-up call that led you and your fellow students to re-evaluate how you approach your studies.

Alas you seem to have learned nothing.

Yes, I appreciate that things are not easy for you. Having the likes of Sky News and The Australian newspaper constantly criticise you and feed you and your team a steady diet of misguided advice cannot be easy. But you mustn’t let this get you down because barely anyone listens to them any more.

Now on to the specifics of this appalling excuse for a research assignment.

Firstly, have you not been listening........

© The Guardian