How we shape our identity plays a vital role in determining our wellbeing. This shaping, often unconscious, can propel our personal growth but also sometimes limit it in unintended ways.

As societal awareness grows about the traumatic impact of issues such as racism, domestic violence, prejudice, discrimination and poverty, there has been an increasing focus on trauma-informed therapy. This approach recognises trauma’s influence on wellbeing and shifts away from historically blaming victims for their circumstances.

Victimisation is multilayered, often requiring both social and therapeutic intervention. But there is a danger that individuals affected by trauma may unintentionally adopt an overarching “trauma identity”. This exclusive identification as a victim can overshadow more positive aspects of someone’s identity, limiting their autonomy, enjoyment and creativity.

Meet Alex*, a 28-year-old man unconsciously entangled in his victimhood. Having experienced significant traumas in the past, Alex developed a subtle but powerful habit of weaving these traumas into his daily interactions due to a need to elicit sympathy and support from others. Unaware of this unconscious pattern, he experienced and portrayed himself as a perpetual victim despite his current circumstances being quite favourable.

Alex’s partner Sarah bonded with him over this trauma and initially felt honoured that he was confiding in her. But as time went on she began to feel worn down by his preoccupation with past trauma and the difficulty he had engaging with other aspects of his identity. She also became aware that she was not the only recipient of his story. Sarah........

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