“I don’t have the words to describe it properly, I just feel I’m in the wrong place and I don’t want to be here.”

For the past few years, *Suzanne has travelled each year halfway around the world to visit family and close friends in her birth country. While the farewells are always hard, Suzanne usually settles back home after a few weeks, staying connected with video calls and regular messaging even when time differences made it difficult.

This time, though, something felt different.

Suzanne was struggling with an overwhelming sense of dislocation and disconnection. “I thought a longer visit and more time with everyone would make it easier to come back, but it’s actually made it harder,” she said. “The goodbyes just don’t get any easier, and I feel that my heart is there, even though I live here.”

Suzanne was particularly upset that the timing of her return meant she had missed her favourite aunt’s birthday celebration by a few weeks. “The family met up for tea and cake, and I felt so sad not to be there. I so wanted to be with her for her birthday and more than anything to just be physically there, not calling in from halfway around the world on a phone.

“Then today I felt sad again because I baked a really special cake that turned out perfectly and I wanted to share it with family, but of course they are there not here, and that sadness took away some of the joy of creating it.”

As she spoke, it was clear this wasn’t simply nostalgia: Suzanne has spent her adult life navigating two worlds. An extended visit and more time, rather than healing the ache, seems to have sharpened it.

In trying to understand why this most recent re-entry has been the most........

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