Bianca* sat across from me in therapy, knees drawn in, voice shaky. “I just feel like I’m always bracing for something,” she said, eyes flicking towards her phone. She wasn’t expecting a call, but we both knew who she was referring to: her father.

Growing up, Bianca could never predict what mood he’d be in. Jovial one day, explosive the next. “Sometimes I’d just hear the tone of his voice and my body would start buzzing,” she told me. “Like something bad was about to happen.” Even now, as a 35-year-old woman with a successful career and close friendships, a slew of missed calls from him could unravel her for hours, as his mood escalated.

I see this dynamic often; adults wrestling with anxiety, perfectionism, chronic guilt or emotional suppression, shaped by the unpredictable storms of emotionally immature parents. Bianca, like many adults I see in therapy, had spent most of her life trying to decode and contain the emotional chaos of a parent who could barely manage his own inner world. Her father was unpredictable and reactive. Then he would suddenly demand closeness, support or attention. The whiplash was constant.

Psychologically, emotional maturity refers to the ability to regulate and express your feelings in a way that matches the moment. Emotionally mature adults can apologise, reflect and hold space for others. They don’t make everything about them. Emotional immaturity, by........

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