Had the world unfolded as scheduled, yesterday the finance minister would have risen in the National Assembly, cleared his throat and read out the numbers we all already knew. Today's column would then have performed its ancient ritual: a solemn autopsy of a speech conducted with the gravity of a man who has read more or less the same speech for thirty years. But apparently that is not how the world works any longer. The session got postponed, and you were spared from dealing with abstruse numbers. Why, you ask? Keep reading, and ye shall know.

Before we begin, let me assure you that I do not want to build an argument without submitting evidence. Carl Sagan's constant states that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. And once you have read this piece you will see evidence in every negative space, every dark corner and every unuttered word.

Before we take a deep dive into budget making and Pakistan's myriad problems, I must also share two anecdotes with you. This will add colour to the expose. One day when I was a young lad, I came across our resident Maulvi Sahab congratulating a neighbour for spending four months with the Tableeghi Jamaat. The young pilgrim was visibly flattered. But then the Maulvi dropped the bomb. He asked the subject to also grow a beard. The young man in reply asked the Maulvi to pray for him to grow a beard. The religious man couldn't stop himself and blurted out that he would have prayed for him if the beard did not grow, which obviously wasn't the case. I still remember the look on the young man's face.

Another story. Still in........

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