In a gathering of old school friends, one told me I had called her “flighty” in year 8 during a (short-lived) period of disaffection in our friendship. In the scheme of things, “flighty” is no terrible insult but coming from a best friend it must have affected her enough to make a mark for decades.

The encounter hovered in our memories until it tentatively arose for discussion in adulthood.Credit: Getty Images

I have no memory of having made that pronouncement on my friend but that is not surprising; we tend to remember more what is said to us than what we say. I, in turn, remember a friend being called “nanny goat” by an unpredictable and unreasonable classmate. Again, the insult was tame but its intentional disrespect was alarming. The gloomy reality of having to tolerate this turbulent character for three more school years led my friend and I to conclude that saying nothing was the most practical response. Nevertheless, the encounter hovered in our memories until it tentatively arose for discussion in adulthood.

Words are powerful. Once uttered, they can linger for years, lodged in some part of the heart or mind of a recipient, sending out signals like a grumbling volcano.

If they are harsh words they may cause a........

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