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Narcissists may be initially charming as relationship partners but, over time will leave you hungry or worse.

A new study documents relationship trajectories over time based on narcissistic admiration and rivalry.

By knowing how to detect the turn from admiration to rivalry, you can move to more wholesome relationships.

People high in the grandiose, or self-aggrandizing, form of narcissism can charm anyone into loving them. Over time, though, that appeal is doomed to fade. The initial rush followed by inevitable disappointment is captured in what’s called the “chocolate cake model” of narcissism (Brunell & Campbell, 2011). Like eating a piece of a decadent dessert, you may be satisfied at first, but if you make this a steady diet, you'll feel just as hungry, or worse.

Narcissistic Admiration and Rivalry Spell Relationship Doom

According to new research by Michigan State University’s Gwendolyn Seidman and William Chopik (2026), the chocolate cake model is useful for understanding the inevitable reversal from desire (“spark”) to dissatisfaction (“strain”) in a relationship with a narcissist. Underlying this idea is, they believe, the even more fundamental nature of narcissistic admiration and rivalry. The Narcissistic Admiration and Rivalry Concept (NARC), as it’s called, describes the way that narcissists maintain their grandiose self-perceptions. The need for admiration leads them, at first, to be charming and engaging. Next comes rivalry, in which they turn to devaluing others and demonstrating their superiority

Translating NARC into the trajectory of a relationship with a narcissist, Seidman and........

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