One of the core truths of the therapeutic process, as described by therapists who see it over and over, is the client who just can’t seem to get out of his or her own way. These clients are recognizable to clinicians because they seem to have a black cloud hanging over their heads. Their day is always worse than everyone else’s, and they bring a collection of sagas, failures, and long stories to their therapists’ offices. They emit an air of constant victimhood, which, once explained, is deeply layered and hard to fix, at least without immediate money, a willing ear, and a helping hand. Even those three things—dollars, empathy, and support—may not get them out of their doldrums. Sadly, this client is often an adult who has reached a certain age where the rest of their friends and family seems to have figured things out—the whole “adulting” thing—but they have not.

A colleague tells the story of his son, a late-30s-something man who doesn’t have much of a career, and stays stuck in the Land of No Can Do. Follow this frustrating conversation between father and son and note the victimology and the increasing depth of one problem after another, after another.

Dad: “Why aren’t you working? Aren’t your unemployment benefits getting ready to run out? Are you looking for a job? Have you had any interviews?

Son: “I can’t look for a job because I can’t drive my car.”

Dad: “Why not? What’s wrong with it?”

Son: “All the tires are flat because I haven’t driven it for a long time.”

Dad: “Why haven’t you driven it?”

Son: “Because my license plate tags are expired over one year, and if I park it on the street, it will get towed away. So I just leave it in the parking space in my apartment building.”

Dad: “Why don’t you go down to the DMV and pay for new tags?”

Son: “I can’t register it because I don’t have........

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