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This Habit Can Improve Your Love Life and Your Heart Health

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We all know that junk food and a sedentary lifestyle increase the risk for heart disease, but a third factor, stress, can also be quite destructive to the heart. Effective emotional regulation buffers the effects of stress on the heart, but because humans are a social species, our ability to emotionally regulate depends heavily on our relationships. Healthy relationships that protect our hearts have one key ingredient: co-regulation.

Co-regulation refers to each partner in a couple responding to the other’s emotional dysregulation in a way that calms their partner down.1 Co-regulation requires three skill sets: 1) the ability to identify when your partner is emotionally dysregulated, 2) the ability to tell your partner when you are dysregulated, and 3) the ability to react to your partner in a way that is calming. For example, when one partner comes home stressed from work, a co-regulating partner recognizes that the other is dysregulated (“I see you had a bad day”) and helps to calm their partner down (hug, offer to listen).

If partners are simultaneously dysregulated, they take turns stepping into the role of co-regulator in a way that feels balanced to both over time. Co-regulation buffers both partners from the negative impacts of stress on their health by helping to defuse that tension.1 With consistent co-regulation, over time, even just your partner’s presence can produce a calming effect.

Absolutely. Humans have evolved to be a social species, meaning our survival depends on communication, cooperation, and connection with others; this brings us mating opportunities, helps us meet our basic needs, and protects us from threats.2 Studies show that coregulation produces oxytocin,3-4 a bonding hormone that reduces stress,5 which means our bodies have a built-in........

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