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Parents' denial or defensiveness often blinds them to signs of a strained relationship.

Estrangement usually follows years of hurt and failed attempts to resolve conflict, not one incident.

Adult children may withdraw gradually, but parents may misinterpret distance as independence or busyness.

Why are so many parents shocked or blindsided when an adult child goes no contact?

Many parents describe estrangement as coming completely out of the blue. They may insist they had no idea there was a problem, point out that they weren't perfect but were good parents, or struggle to understand how a family that seemed close could end up here.

Sometimes confusion is genuine, but being unaware of the problem doesn't mean there weren’t any signs. Parents may experience interactions differently than their adult child, particularly when certain family patterns feel normal to them.

It’s also possible for “I have no idea why” to be a form of denial. If a parent can't—or won't—see what went wrong, it's easier to blame the therapist, social media, or the adult child than to consider their own role.

Why Parents May Not See Estrangement Coming

Estrangement is rarely the result of an isolated incident. It typically follows years of hurtful experiences, disappointments, conflicts, and attempts to improve a difficult relationship (Agllias, 2016, 2018; Scharp, 2016; Scharp et al., 2015).

Parents may genuinely believe their child never communicated a problem. However, if that was the case, one needs to consider whether the parent was willing and emotionally safe to hear........

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