What Is Emotion Regulation?

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Big feelings follow a predictable arc that caregivers can learn to read before a meltdown peaks.

Building relationships and teaching coping skills during calm are powerful meltdown prevention strategies.

Prompting a coping strategy works in some phases and backfires in others: Timing is everything.

The debrief conversation belongs after full calm returns, not in the aftermath of escalation.

A few weeks ago, someone really ticked me off via email. I could feel the edge in my own typing as I crafted a reply. I was not fine. I was in what researchers call the agitation phase of the escalation cycle, and I didn’t catch it before sending a reply that was harsher than intended. Later, I reflected on the irony of my response, as this exact topic is what my colleague, Dr. Jessica Koslouski, and I have been presenting on with schools all year. I needed my own reminder to quickly draw on a positive coping strategy before responding.

Usually, adults are better at recognizing the escalation cycle because we have lived it repeatedly. Children, however, have had far less practice and live it more visibly as they have yet to establish de-escalation strategies. For caregivers at home and school, understanding the cycle can do more than simply explain the meltdown. It helps guide you on what to do, and what to skip, at each phase in the escalation cycle.

The Cycle: A Quick Map

The cycle of escalation describes a predictable arc from calm to crisis and back. The seven phases are: Calm, Trigger, Agitation, Acceleration, Peak, De-escalation, and Recovery. Each looks different, and as such, calls for a different caregiver........

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