For many people, the word confrontation holds very negative connotations. Often they will say that they hate confrontation or are afraid of it. They associate confrontation with anger, rejection, abuse, and loss of relationships.

This negative association is typically founded on painful past experiences that cause people to shrink back and avoid all conflict. It feels threatening to even think of confronting another when a behavior or aspect of the relationship needs to change.

However, confrontation is necessary at times for personal growth and relational change. It is the way confrontation is defined and implemented that can feel threatening, counterproductive, and even dangerous.

The counsel in this article is not for those in a relationship with an abusive, violent, or highly manipulative person. That situation requires a different set of interventions to establish safety and care.

These suggestions are directed toward people in relationships in which there is a foundation of mutual goodwill. Problems and tensions have developed and communication has broken down. One or both individuals are having difficulty expressing their feelings honestly because of a fear of conflict.

Douglas Polcin has researched the use of confrontation in drug and alcohol treatment centers. He points out that early in the recovery........

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