Conflicts between different kinds of self-knowledge means we are being dishonest with ourselves.

Being honest with ourselves often requires changing a fundamental self-concept or taking a difficult action.

Although potentially difficult, self-honesty reduces anxiety and strengthens our close relationships.

What does it mean to be honest with ourselves?

One general answer is this: matching up what we’re telling ourselves with what we do. That’s a good starting definition, but self-honesty is more multifaceted than that.

Understanding Self-Honesty

To begin, we must recognize the different categories of self-knowledge that contribute to our overall experience of self. We define ourselves through our bodily capabilities (physical self), our memories (remembered self), our thoughts (private self), our relationships with other people (interpersonal self), and our self-concepts (conceptual self).

To function effectively in the world, we integrate these different ways of knowing ourself and experience a primary self. When we deviate from this primary self, we notice.

After an argument, we might say, “I don’t know what got into me, I wasn't myself.” After a difficult night, our morning self may wonder what our nighttime self was thinking. A hungry physical self can redirect our thoughts, interfere with our personal interactions, and diminish self concepts we typically emphasize.

Self-Knowledge and Self-Dishonesty

When one source of self-knowledge contradicts another, we are not being honest with ourselves.

If our conceptual self says we are friendly and welcoming and our interpersonal self reveals that we are closed and difficult to read, then our conceptual self needs to adjust its self-concept or our interpersonal self needs to change its approach to people.

As we age, our physical self and our relationships change, so our conceptual self needs to update its emphasis on some physical and personal traits, or else we may grow into self-dishonesty. Self-honesty, in this case, entails keeping our conceptual self in line with the physical self and the........

© Psychology Today