Years ago, I identified “personal control” as a key component of a resilient outlook and a resilient life. I defined personal control as the ability to focus our time and energy on factors over which we have some influence rather than on situations over which we have little, if any, control. Resilient people have learned to cope effectively with challenges and adversity and demonstrate personal control. In contrast, those who are not resilient typically lack personal control and are burdened by low self-worth, frustration, anger, and resentment.

Given how frequently I’ve witnessed in my clinical work with both children and adults the consequences of limited personal control, it became a primary focus of my work. The following are just a few examples:

A 9-year-old boy who had recently been diagnosed with ADHD asked, “Why did God choose me to be the one with ADHD? It’s not fair.”

During couples therapy, a wife exclaimed, “I’d be in a good marriage if I weren’t married to him!”

Similarly, during a consultation, a teacher pronounced, “I’d be a better teacher if I had students who came to class with better self-discipline and motivation.”

A 50-year-old man with learning problems sadly observed, “My life would have been much happier and more successful if I didn’t have learning........

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