Many people, disappointed and disillusioned from a lost relationship, choose to opt out of connections for a period of time. Rather than reaching out for help, they pull in and disconnect from life, choosing isolation rather than any connection.

For most, a hibernation reaction like that only lasts for a short time before the wounded person reaches out for support from their social network, re-devotes themselves to other interests, or perhaps begins or enhances a therapeutic commitment to process and renew.

For others, sadly, it is the start of a much longer time of closed-down private grieving, self-doubt, injured self-esteem, and isolation. They may be depressed and broken, unable to believe their romantic interactions will ever be any different, and unable to trust anyone to help them. Cynical and defeated, they stay too long and bury their sorrow in a repeated pattern that may continue to create more loss in the future.

Eventually, they will reemerge, wary but starving for a new love relationship. In a state of self-inflicted deprivation, they are dangerously vulnerable to not only being hurt again, but more likely to retreating again if that happens. Each subsequent investment, loss, and retreat, will make it more difficult for any more successful pattern to take hold.

The intensity and span of the pendulum swings between isolation/retreat and hungry/vulnerability are counterproductive to creating the equilibrium necessary for successful

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