Anger is forceful. When it flares up, it can take control of our body, our thoughts, our senses, and our actions. We temporarily lose our reason and judgment, regaining them only after our anger has subsided—often when it’s too late. When we are angry, we may lose our composure and dignity. It’s as if anger consumes us or takes us captive, overwhelming our best intentions.

When we act from anger, we can do great harm to ourselves and to other people. Anger damages relationships and stresses intimacy. The most frequent targets of anger are usually the people closest to us, those who matter most: spouses, children, colleagues, and friends. Those of us who struggle with anger may lose jobs or promotions, have financial trouble, and suffer legal consequences. Habitual anger destroys anything in its path: marriages, businesses, friendships, and family relationships. It also leads to resentment that diminishes our authenticity and self-esteem. Even if we don’t experience explosive anger very often, milder forms like irritation, frustration, and annoyance can come up every day. All kinds of aggressive behavior—from road rage to murder to war—stem from a root cause of anger. In short, anger terrorizes others as it torments us.

We may know intellectually that anger can be destructive. We may be aware that it has the potential for deeply negative consequences, and yet we cannot seem to avoid feeling angry.........

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