Over the years, both science and personal experience have shown me that understanding what truly matters lightens the self-imposed pressure of trying to be the perfect mother. Here are some key concepts.

During my psychiatry residency, I heard a lecture by a child psychiatrist that introduced me to the concept of the "good-enough" mother. As a young mother myself, my ears perked up. I learned that not only was maternal perfection impossible, but imperfection was actually helpful and necessary. How reassuring!

The British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott introduced and developed this understanding. During babyhood, it is indeed important for the mother (and other caregivers) to respond promptly and caringly to the baby’s cries and needs. After a time, though, the baby needs to experience something different.

In order to develop psychologically, babies need to experience some frustration. This will happen naturally, because the mother will be occupied with other tasks and cannot come as quickly as the baby now expects. Moms may berate themselves for this, but it is actually helpful. In the context of a loving, responsive........

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