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Meaningful life goals (bucket-lists) are often deferred and/or not accomplished.

As perceived time-horizons shorten, the types of our goals change.

Seven things to do before you do (that depend on nothing but attention and presence).

The 500-mile Camino de Santiago runs from the border of France to the northwestern Spanish coast. A path of pilgrimage, the Camino is a network of 1,000-year-old walking trails where spiritual seekers often dedicate a month or more to reflection, healing, connection, and transcendence.

After years of considering it, my very good friend, Bob, decided that he didn’t want any more time to go by and that this would be the year he would do it—this May he would walk the Camino.

We met over Zoom a few weeks ago with our friends, Joe and Wendy, just as we had every Friday for the last dozen years and he told us his plan. He said that he wasn’t going to overthink it—that he hadn’t purchased a return plane ticket yet so that he could walk it as slowly as possible. We were excited and happy for him. We knew we would get some terrific stories out of it.

That same evening, January 30th, I learned that Bob had suffered a massive heart attack that afternoon and died.

Who Has Time for a Bucket List?

Research on bucket lists provides some interesting insights into how we plan and execute these kinds of meaningful life goals. A study published in 2020 suggests that bucket-list goals are often deferred into later, post-retirement years due to other middle-age priorities, as well as our current unprecedented longevity.

Relatedly, research from 2018 titled, “Before I Die: The Impact of Time Horizon and Age on Bucket-List Goals” describes how bucket-lists change based on our perceived amount of time to accomplish them.

The researchers organized bucket-list items into three categories:

Knowledge-seeking goals oriented to new experiences

Emotional meaningfulness goals

Goals oriented toward self-acceptance and positive self-concept

They then placed survey respondents into one of three time horizons (no time constraint, six months to live, and one week to live), and asked them to make a bucket list.

The researchers determined, among other conclusions, that as our perceived time-horizon shortens, the role of emotional meaningfulness goals increases—and not insubstantially: Between an open-ended time frame and only given one week, the percentage of emotional meaningfulness goals nearly doubles.

Reflecting on it now, I don’t think Bob considered walking the Camino a bucket-list activity, although I can easily conclude that it was emotionally meaningful to him.

After departing the corporate world a few years ago, Bob had made living from his heart the very purpose of his life. He worked as a grief counselor and in hospice care. He fed the unhoused. He taught qi-gong on the beach and worked to help others to find their own true purposes in life.

In fact, when we asked him about his expectations for the Camino, his response was, “I’m just going to ‘listen to soul’ and follow it.”

He said that, other than that, he didn’t expect very much. He said that he didn’t really need to walk to Camino, but that he was much more interested in seeing who he might meet along the way, what it might feel like to nap in his portable hammock on the roadside, and who he might be able to help.

This feels right to me. In fact, I can confidently say that Bob would be the guy whom other pilgrims would tell stories about. He’d be the guy who listened to them without judgment. He’d be the guy they hugged and cried and laughed really hard (and easily) with. He’d be the 6’6” stranger they remembered as being someone special. Like me, they might say something like, “He was the most alive guy I ever met.”

And this is how I remember Bob: alive—truly alive—no further bucket-list required.

So without any further adieu, here is a different sort of bucket list that I know my friend Bob would write himself. The planning is minimal, it’s extremely easy on the wallet, and while transcendence may not be guaranteed, I think it might just set the environment for it.

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Seven Things to Do Before You Die

1. Touch something worth touching:

Run your hand through spring grass or summer sand or a stream of naturally running water.

If the opportunity exists, enjoy a long kiss. No . . . longer.

Give your best friends a bear hug they’ll take with them when they leave.

Bury your face in the warmth of your dog or cat’s fur.

Embrace your child so fully as to announce your love for them to all things everywhere.

2. Listen with your whole body:

Pretend you’ve just been gifted the magic of sound and listen to something great: The Beatles or Beethoven or Billie Holiday (Bob would have recommended E.L.O.).

Listen to words that are kind and encourage them on their way.

Listen to be moved, like every moving molecule is a poem writing itself.

3. See something for the first time again:

Imagine that this sunset or full moon or beloved face is the first one you’ve ever seen. You’ve seen it before—maybe a million times—but not today. See it as brand new in every way.

4. Breathe in as though to keep it, and then give it all away.

5. “Eat the cake! Order the dessert!”

This is a line from Alua Arthur’s beautiful TED Talk, “Why Thinking About Death Helps You Live a Better Life.” She reminds us that, someday, we will lose this sacred ability, so when something truly delicious appears, honor it.

6. Make your mark in this life by the kind of person you are more than the fading achievements you leave behind:

Stand on your largest principles.

Love without conditions.

Celebrate the joys of others.

Stand up for what is self-evidently true and good in this world.

I learned at a memorial service for Bob on March 21st, that Bob’s son, Pierce, is going to walk the Camino this May. He said that he wasn’t going to overthink it—that he hadn’t purchased a return plane ticket yet and that instead of cancelling the bookings that Bob made, he’d just use them.

Freund, A. M. (2020). The bucket list effect: Why leisure goals are often deferred until retirement. American Psychologist, 75(4), 499–510.

Chu, Q., Grühn, D., & Holland, A. M. (2018). Before I die: The impact of time horizon and age on bucket-list goals. GeroPsych: The Journal of Gerontopsychology and Geriatric Psychiatry, 31(3), 151–162.

Arthur, A. (2023, July). Why Thinking About Death Helps You Live A Better Life [Video]. TED Conferences. https://www.ted.com/talks/alua_arthur_why_thinking_about_death_helps_yo…

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