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When He's Not in the Mood

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17.05.2026

The Fundamentals of Sex

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Men can experience low sexual desire, and women often suffer in silence due to shame.

There are many reasons sexual desire fades, but being proactive can boost desire.

When you hear the words, “Not tonight, dear, I have a headache,” do you envision a woman politely rejecting her husband’s sexual advances? Contrary to popular belief, millions of men aren’t in the mood for sex or other physical contact.

Why do we seldom hear about low desire in men?

In a culture where masculinity and virility are inextricably connected, it strikes terror in the hearts of men to think, much less talk about being disinterested in sex. Even when their wives are desperately unhappy about the lack of physical closeness, men often avoid discussing their feelings. To compound matters, men typically refuse to seek professional help; they feel too much shame.

Causes of low desire in men

Although a drop in desire can be caused by many different factors, there are a few primary reasons men lose interest in sex.

As people age, their sex drive often changes. Although many men enjoy sex well into their 80s, over time, there is a decline in testosterone, the primary hormone responsible for sex drive. As a result, men often feel less focused on their sexual relationships. Also, they require more- and different- stimulation to achieve and maintain an erection. Orgasms tend to be less intense. These natural and predictable changes can be disconcerting to men who, in the past, have had sizable sexual appetites.

There are illnesses and the medications that treat them that affect sexual desire. For instance, cardiovascular disease wreaks havoc with a man’s blood flow, which, in turn, makes........

© Psychology Today