From a psychological standpoint, group friendships, especially ones that grow out of intimate dyads, require careful emotional navigation. Without expressed feelings, understanding, and care, roles can become blurred, and even the most loving friendships can begin to unravel.

In exploring the story of Mia, Sabi, and Priya in my last post here, three friends fall out after a subtle but emotional shift in their group dynamic gives way to a disintegration. Here’s a brief recap of what happened:

Mia and Sabi had been close friends since their teens. In their 30s, they became friends with Priya and added her to their group chat. Mia and Priya grew closer, with inside jokes and separate plans, hurting Sabi. When Sabi asked Mia privately to introduce her to a coworker she thought was cute, Mia texted her refusal on the group chat, saying the coworker wouldn’t be right for Sabi, and Priya backed Mia up. When Sabi expressed hurt feelings, it broke up the friendship.

Here is what was happening beneath the surface, and what we can learn from it:

In every group dynamic, emotional hierarchies naturally form, often in unspoken ways. These hierarchies determine who feels “closest,” who initiates plans, and whose approval matters most. When a dyad turns into a trio, those implicit rankings get disrupted, and someone almost inevitably ends up feeling like a third wheel, either from time to time or completely.

In Sabi’s case, her original closeness with Mia was diluted as Mia grew closer to Priya. Even though all three chatted daily, Sabi sensed a growing bond between Mia and Priya that she wasn’t invited into.

These shifts often evoke feelings of abandonment or invisibility, especially when the original pair isn’t given space to acknowledge and process the change in friendship closeness. Unlike romantic relationships, where conversations about closeness and felt distance are more commonplace, these communications........

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