My two best friends in the literary world are Anna Karenina and Winnie the Pooh. One tells me continually that romantic love is a sucker’s game, the other that friendship is forever. But Tolstoy’s classic isn’t just about friendship; it’s a how-to manual on how to not end up under a train. If Anna had just had a good friend to talk to, who, metaphorically speaking, had slapped some sense into her, there might have been a happier ending to that story.

Winnie the Pooh and Piglet, as we all know, are the epitome of true love. “We’ll be friends forever, won’t we, Pooh?” asked Piglet. “Even longer,” Pooh answered.

(Cue the platonic swoon.)

“As soon as I saw you, I knew a grand adventure was about to start.”

There have been many, many, many studies on the importance of friendship and the impact it can have on our physical and mental health.

Decades' worth of research reveals that friendship isn’t just enriching; it’s crucial to living a longer, healthier life.

In one much-cited study, researchers monitored the health of nearly 7,000 Californians for more than 17 years. They found that those who lacked social and community ties were approximately 2 to 3 times more likely to die at a younger age than their counterparts with more connections.

More recently, a review of 38 research articles published between 2000 and 2019 found overwhelming evidence that high-quality friendships can significantly improve a person’s well-being.

And, yes, I do believe we can be friends with books. Ben Jonson (the writer, not the actor) agrees with me. He wrote in his Epigram 86:

When I would know thee...my thought looks Upon thy well-made choice of friends, and books; Then do I love thee, and behold thy ends In making thy friends books, and thy books friends.

When I would know thee...my thought looks Upon thy well-made choice of friends, and books; Then do I love thee, and behold thy ends In making thy friends books, and thy books friends.

But in the world of humans, I have more than a few but less than several best friends. I’ve never seen the point of having anything other than a best friend. It’s not a competition after all. It’s a gold standard. Transactional friends aren’t really friends. In the landscape of our lives, transactional friends are clutter.

There are a few really good songs about the power of friendship, and in my humble opinion, the very best one is Carole King’s (often sung by James Taylor) “You’ve Got a Friend.” Recently, I found out the reason why the song continues to speak to every beating heart today as much as it did when it first came out over 50 years ago.

Taylor had written, recorded, and released his hit song “Fire and Rain,” which includes in its refrain the lyric, “I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend.” According to Taylor, King told him she wrote “You’ve Got a Friend” in response to that line. How cool is that?

Some of my best friends have been part of my life for many, many years, as in since elementary school, middle school, and high school. Some I met at my first real (define real) job. A few best friends have come and gone, but I still think of them with love and gratitude. And my most recent best friend showed up just a few years ago. Our lives expand to fit the friends we need

Most writers agree that EB White gave the best definition of what we should aspire to. It’s found in those last two lines of Charlotte’s Web, where White writes, "It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both."

My hope is to be both, and in that order.

Fehr, Beverley, and Harasymchuk, Cheryl. (2017). The Role of Friendships in Well-Being. Routledge.

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Loneliness and social isolation — Tips for staying connected. National Institute on Aging. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/loneliness-and-social-isolation-tips-sta…. Accessed May 8, 2024.

Oshio T, et al. Association between the use of social networking sites, perceived social support, and life satisfaction: Evidence from a population-based survey in Japan. PLoS One. 2020; doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0244199.

Social Connection. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/emotional-wellbeing/social-connectedness/affect-health.htm. Accessed March 17, 2026.

Suragarn U, et al. Approaches to enhance social connection in older adults: An integrative review of literature. Aging and Health Research. 2021; doi: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ahr.2021.100029.

Holt-Lunstad J. The major health implications of social connection. Current Directions in Psychological Science. 2021; doi:10.1177/0963721421999630.

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