What Is Neurodiversity?

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Gossip has historically served a social purpose.

Neurodivergent people may be the subject of gossip because of their conditions.

Small talk and gossip are often of little interest to those who prefer deep interactions.

Respecting differences can help avoid misunderstandings and misrepresentation.

I do not like gossip, and many of the people that I work with feel the same way. I find it cruel, cowardly, immoral, and boring. Over time and through research, I have come to understand that gossip has served quite an important purpose in communities, as it purportedly aids social cohesion, bonding, and is used as a social resource (Chiel and colleagues, 2026; Driel and Verkuyten, 2022). Researchers have more recently associated it with reputation management, and that has evolved more as a self-protective social mechanism (Pan and colleagues 2024). I do not believe that is how it is most used today; I think it makes people feel better about their lives and distracts them from their own failings and inadequacies.

Gossiping is an activity that many people who are neurodivergent struggle to engage in or care about. For this reason, as a result of gossip, we can be vulnerable to smear campaigns, bullying, and sometimes alienation from groups, communities, and organisations.

Gossip is when people talk about the lives of others when they are not present, whether it is factual or not. The absence of the subject means they are unable to provide their side of the story and perspective. I consider it unfair, unjust, and unethical.

Many of the people I work with struggle with small talk, as well as gossip. This is sometimes because they prefer to talk about special interests and often want to engage in more meaningful, intense, and intellectually stimulating conversations. These preferences make many people with neurological differences socially isolated and alienated, and may be considered to be egotistical and socially awkward by others.

One of the reasons I think these activities are difficult for people who are diagnosed with conditions like autism or ADHD is that they crave and desire different outcomes or objectives from their social interactions. It is in these differences in the expectations and motivations in social interactions and communication that many misunderstandings and misrepresentations occur.

Many people I work with have disclosed that they have been bullied, abused, and socially isolated, often because they come across as weird, different, and difficult to read and understand. This is when the gossiping at work, at school, or in social groups can begin, and the effects are more often negative, destructive, and occasionally dangerous.

At its core, gossip is a reflection of the gossiper and their (often limited and inaccurate) reading of a situation and person. This places neurodivergent people, with their behavioural and communication differences, at risk of being targeted and further disadvantaged both socially and personally.

When you say something about someone, and you don’t have all the facts and information on their situation, and on many occasions, you might never have met them or had a conversation with them. Try asking these three questions before speaking about them and their lives. Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? In my experience, gossipers operate according to projections and often have more to hide about themselves than anyone else. Sometimes the person speaking poorly about others is actually describing and speaking about themselves.

If you want to connect and support a person who is neurodivergent and your usual tactic for connecting with someone is small talk or gossip, maybe you can consider other topics. Discussing the weather is safe, but it lacks depth and seems unnecessary and trivial to many people who prefer interactions with meaning. I think sharing nuggets of authenticity and knowledge is preferable. Talking about things you love and appreciate is of greater social and spiritual value than sharing the details of a painful divorce, a person experiencing bankruptcy, or infidelity.

What Is Neurodiversity?

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For many people who live with neurological conditions, socially interacting and communicating can be a struggle, and talking about other people and uninteresting events can almost feel painful. If you want to connect with someone on a deeper and more personal level, then that requires vulnerability and authenticity. That is what many of the people I work with, along with me, crave and prefer in interactions.

I did not write this to shame or morally berate people who enjoy gossip or small talk. I highlight the differences between people and how they socially interact and engage with others. We all experience the world differently, and that should be respected. Gossip is not something I do, but I have been the subject of gossip, and from my perspective, it can be abusive, socially controlling, isolating, and cruel. I avoid doing it, as I often empathise with the subject or target of the gossip. I think speaking about things we love, enjoy, and want to learn about is much healthier, kinder, and has more integrity. In a world that feels cruel to many, being kind, thoughtful, and considerate in how we speak about other people and their lives should be encouraged and celebrated.

Chiel, L., Fishman, M., Lingard, L., Driessen, E. and Brouwer, E., 2026. In gossip, we trust: Residents’ understanding of gossip as a social resource. Medical teacher, 48(2), pp.238-245.

Driel, E. and Verkuyten, M., 2022. Gossip, diversity and community cohesion: the case of multi-ethnic Riace. Ethnic and Racial Studies, 45(16), pp.591-613.

Pan, X., Hsiao, V., Nau, D.S., and Gelfand, M.J., 2024. Explaining the evolution of gossip. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 121(9), p.e2214160121.

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