There is a particular kind of pain that comes from being in a relationship with someone who exhibits high levels of narcissism. It’s not just heartbreak. It’s not just disillusionment. It’s the erosion of something even more foundational—your sense of reality.

Gaslighting, a hallmark of narcissistic behavior, is a corrosive, disorienting experience. You’re not just doubting what happened—you’re doubting whether anything happened. You start to feel as though your map of the world is off. As though your GPS won’t load. As if you’re crazy. And that fear—of not being able to trust your own perception—triggers a primal terror in us because if we can’t trust our own perception of reality, we can’t keep ourselves safe.

I’ve heard countless people—clients, friends, readers—tell themselves, “Maybe I’m too sensitive.” And when they finally stumble across the label—narcissist—it’s like oxygen rushing into starved lungs. Finally. A word. A research-backed explanation. A bucket to place it all in. A way to say: I wasn’t crazy. That actually happened. I can trust myself.

This validation is crucial if we are to escape abuse and eventually heal. But I believe we are at a moment in culture and clinical care where we have to go a step further.

Because the same word that gave us oxygen can also start to choke our empathy.

When we label someone a narcissist, we’re often not talking about their behavior—we’re talking about their entire identity. We’re reducing the totality of their personhood into a........

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