If you’ve ever encountered my thoughts on purpose, you’ve probably heard me differentiate between “big P” purpose and “little P” purpose. In short, I argue that big-P purpose is all about audacious, goal-oriented ambitions, while little-P purpose is rooted in process. You might assume, from this distinction, that I’m against setting goals. That’s not exactly true. In fact, I believe that goals have a place in our lives, though they often become toxic and unhelpful for three key reasons. Let’s dive into why goals can go wrong and how you can focus on process to make your ambitions healthier and more fulfilling.

The first issue with goals is that we tend to set them too high, aiming for something that feels almost impossible. This is particularly common in American culture, where we’re constantly told that we can achieve anything we set our minds to. But here’s the thing: While that might sound inspiring, it also sets us up for failure if we’re aiming too far beyond our current skill set or resources.

For example, society might tell us to strive for the NBA, not just to be a good basketball player; to become president, not just to make an impact in local politics; or to cure cancer, not just to do important research in molecular diseases. We’re constantly encouraged to dream big, and while there's nothing wrong with aiming high, the reality is that these kinds of goals can be unrealistic and discouraging.

Often, when we set ourselves up with big, audacious goals, we set ourselves up for failure. When I was a child, I desperately wanted to play on a college basketball team. But the truth is, I wasn’t tall enough, fast enough, or skilled enough to compete at that level. I even failed to make my high school team, and that disappointment left me frustrated and feeling unworthy.

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