The Importance of Forgiveness

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Being accountable for a mistake is not the same as blaming yourself.

Many people treat themselves far more harshly than they would treat a friend.

When your parents did not model compassionate responsibility, you may have to build it yourself as an adult.

Accountability and blame are not the same.

Imagine this scenario:

Your good friend Trish calls you upset. “I’m such an idiot,” she says. “I was in a huge hurry to get to a meeting at work, so I backed out of the driveway really fast. I wasn’t paying attention, and I ran right over the mailbox. It destroyed the mailbox and put a huge dent in the back bumper of my car. I’m such a moron!”

Take a moment to think about how you would respond. What might you say to Trish? Would you say:

“Trish, you’ve lived in that house for 10 years. Had you not noticed where the mailbox is? What a dolt!”

“Trish, you’ve lived in that house for 10 years. Had you not noticed where the mailbox is? What a dolt!”

Or would you be more likely to say:

“Trish, don’t talk like that. Everybody makes mistakes. Don’t be so hard on yourself!”

“Trish, don’t talk like that. Everybody makes mistakes. Don’t be so hard on yourself!”

I’m willing to bet that you would say the second option because you would never........

© Psychology Today