Emotional intelligence is largely learned at home from parents who notice and respond to feelings.

You cannot teach your child a skill no one ever taught you, which is how low emotional intelligence repeats.

Paying attention, feeling with your child, and responding to feelings are three things you can start now.

This is not about being a perfect parent. The effort itself is what your child receives.

Nora’s daughter came home from school feeling sad. A friend had not saved her a seat at lunch, and it all came out at the kitchen table.

“That’s not worth getting upset about,” Nora told her. “You’ll sit together tomorrow.”

Her daughter stopped talking about it and took her homework upstairs. Nora went on with her day, relieved that her daughter’s tears had passed.

Nothing in that exchange looks harmful, and that’s what makes it so invisible.

Do you ever respond to your child as Nora did?

If so, you are in very good company. As a psychologist who has specialized in childhood emotional neglect for years, I have watched this way of managing a child’s feelings pass quietly from one generation to the next.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is your ability to manage and understand emotions and relationships, your own as well as others’. I have observed that it is more vital to life success and satisfaction than general intelligence. This makes EI a very important skill for parents to teach their children.

The good news: children automatically learn EI when they are raised by parents who have it themselves. Parents with EI are........

© Psychology Today