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When your brain gets stuck in threat mode, it stays in a place of seeking certainty.

Often, the best way to quiet the negative "What if" noise is not through a long explanation.

It is five steady words that your brain can trust: "Maybe, but I can handle it."

What if I mess this up? What if something goes wrong? What if they say they like me, but they don't? Do you get thoughts like these? Of course, you do. We all go there.

When "what ifs" like those above get loud and get the best of us, logic alone often does not help. In fact, the more you try to argue with overthinking-driven thoughts, the stronger they get and the more they multiply.

I see this very often in my office with overthinking kids, stressed-out teens, and overwhelmed adults. By the way, this includes very capable people who know their worries don't make sense, but they can't turn them off.

Your Threat-Averse Brain Is Seeking Certainty

When your brain gets stuck in threat mode, it stays in a place of seeking certainty. Making things more intense, when your mind demands guarantees, it offers up more what-ifs to solve. Over my 30 years as a psychologist, I have learned that the greatest way to tame runaway thought spirals is not to answer the thoughts but to change your relationship with them.

"Maybe, But I Can Handle It."

These five words, "Maybe, but I can handle it," quiet down those loud What Ifs for three powerful reasons. First, it's because "Maybe" tells your brain that you're not going to endlessly argue. You are actually embracing and welcoming uncertainty rather than trying to eliminate it. Second, "but I can handle it" prompts you to recognize that you are not helpless. And thirdly, you are breaking your own need-for-reassurance loop. Anxious overthinking wants certainty, and instead, you are offering yourself a healthy infusion of strength.

Client Examples of Quieting What-Ifs

A twelve-year-old girl who sat across from me, fearing "What if I fail my math test tomorrow?" found herself feeling calmer when I coached her to say, "Maybe, but I can handle it by trying my best anyway." We added that she could also get extra help from her teacher or a tutor.

A 50-year-old man with significant illness anxiety worked with me in some counseling sessions, reminding himself, "Maybe, but I can handle it." These five words served as a springboard for him to reflect on the adversity he had overcome.

A mom of a struggling adult child felt like a failure. In stating, "Maybe, but I can handle it by reflecting on the love I have shared with him," she was now able to pause, shift her focus, and see that her what-if-related anxieties were driving her to enable her adult child more than to help him.

Steady Thinking Is Not Wearing Rose Colored Glasses

The examples I shared above are not meant to be Pollyanna examples of positive thinking. Rather, these are examples of fostering steady-in-the-face-of-uncertainty thinking aimed at breaking free from maddening, destructive loops of What-Ifs that stem from overthinking.

In my work with families and in my book, Freeing Your Child From Overthinking, I explain that the goal is not to eliminate what-if. Rather, the goal is to stop it from taking over. The more you can accept those What Ifs and live with uncertainty, the less they will weigh you down or even paralyze you.

Take our Generalized Anxiety Disorder Test

Find a therapist to overcome anxiety

"Maybe, but I can handle it" gets you back in action mode. And, overthinking can't stand it when you take action. Because when you do so, overthinking loosens its grip on your mind.

When what-if thoughts are too loud, the mind starts acting like there is danger everywhere, even when life is still manageable. And, often, the best way to quiet the negative noise is not through a long explanation. It is five steady words that your brain can trust: "Maybe, but I can handle it."

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