In the United States, more than 390,000 children are currently in foster care. Each year, between 19,000 and 30,000 youth “age out” of the system without permanent families or lifelong supports.

The transition to adulthood is especially challenging. By their early twenties, former foster youth are significantly more likely than their peers to struggle:

These outcomes are linked to the early trauma of abuse, neglect, and repeated separations and placements. This makes it critical for caregivers and professionals to help children understand their story in ways that reduce shame, build trust, and foster resilience.

Children in foster care are not blank slates. Even very young children carry memories, questions, and feelings about their families of origin. When adults avoid these conversations, children may fill in the blanks themselves with self-blame, shame, or fear.

Helping a child understand their foster care journey doesn’t erase the pain. They need a witness who is willing to listen, be with, and contain "what happened to them." And when told with empathy, honesty, and sensitivity, their story can help them integrate the past with their present, laying the foundation for healing and resilience.

1. Don’t try to fix the pain. Foster care is painful and can often feel shameful. A child needs your attention, presence, non-judgment and empathy, not quick solutions. Your role is to become an emotional holding container for the pain, because "what's shareable, becomes more bearable."

2. Start the conversation. Silence can........

© Psychology Today