“He’s tough, he’s a boy. He can take it,” says a father about his 6-year-old son, who just got knocked flat on his face by an older brother testing out his brand-new bike. Sure, he can take it. What choice does he have?

But “can” is a different experience from “should.” Just because he can take it, does it mean he should have to? The argument in favor of this is that the boy grows a thicker skin and learns that he is seen as a kid who can handle himself. Whether this is something the boy likes, or finds comforting, may depend on the reaction he gets from others and quite likely his father in particular. Feeling that you’re tough and can take it isn’t an unhandy feeling; it’s a good one to have in your back pocket when you want to stand your ground in the face of some challenge or threat. On the downside, the boy learns that his dad can be insensitive at times to what hurts him and what doesn’t; worse perhaps is learning that his dad makes those determinations for him.

One argument against the “he’s tough and can take it” school of hard knocks is that, well, the kid is only 6. Has he really already outgrown his need to know that his parents have his back? Or is someone outgrowing this for........

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