Thanksgiving is swiftly approaching, and for many people, it’s not a joyous occasion but rather a stressful one. There are logistical stressors—travel, dinner prep—but also emotional ones, such as strained family relationships and heated debates about politics and world events. You can’t control what other people say or do, but you can control your responses and how you carry yourself in stressful circumstances.

A friend or family member may say something you disagree with, and your first impulse might be to persuade, convince, or argue with them. Such disagreements are common forms of family conflict that often arise for many during the holidays. But as you enter the holiday season, get clear on what you want to experience this holiday—for example, less conflict, peace, or connection—and what will help you achieve that? Disagreements and conflicts can happen even if you try to avoid them, so your focus should be on how they are addressed when they do occur. Trying to convince your aunt she’s wrong or defending your position about a charged topic doesn’t usually lead to peace and connection, for example.

This isn’t to say all conflict is “bad” or that it should be avoided, but recognize there’s a time and a place for everything, and Thanksgiving dinner may not be the time. You can try talking to the person or people you disagree with later, but consider that if you’re interested in preserving the relationship, a heated debate can do more harm than good. Finding some common ground, if and when possible, can defuse tension and conflict, increase empathy, and lay the groundwork for more constructive interactions, even if they don’t happen right away.

We’re living in a time when many people are strongly entrenched in their viewpoints.

© Psychology Today