That Thing That Wasn’t Your Fault: Healing a Lifelong Wound
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Nearly all schools of psychoanalysis are based on this: if you would be healed, turn and face your wounds.
The hard truth of truly healing from an old wound is that it requires the willingness to go back and feel it.
The courage to face old wounds or traumas invites a heartbreakthrough—a heartbreak and a breakthrough.
The most famous scene in the movie Good Will Hunting is the “It’s not your fault” scene.
Will Hunting, played by Matt Damon, is a genius whose intellect is largely stuck inside him, along with his ability to love. After several months of counseling with a psychologist played by Robin Williams (it’s either therapy or jail, for assaulting a cop), it becomes clear that what’s holding Will back is the fact that he had an abusive childhood—a foster father who regularly beat him.
“You know, it’s not your fault,” the psychologist tells Will.
“I know,” Will says with a shrug.
“Look at me, son. It’s not your fault”
“No, you don’t. It’s not your fault.”
Will just stares at him.
“It’s not your fault,” the psychologist says again.
“Don’t f--- with me.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Don’t f--- with me. Not you.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Finally, Will buries his head in his hands and bursts into tears, along with—if memory serves me—much of the audience, myself included.
Apparently, many of us have experienced something that wasn’t our fault, but we’ve been hauling around with us our whole life as if it was. Likely something our parents did or didn’t do, or something we believe we did or didn’t do that made them stop approving of us or withdraw their........
