Sofia* had been thrilled when Julian, her boyfriend of three years, suggested they live together and then get married. But nothing had gone right from the minute she moved into his apartment. He had not cleared out any space for her things, so for weeks they fought over where she was going to put her clothes and books. When he finally agreed that she could bring her dresser from her former home, they argued further about where to put it so that it wouldn’t disrupt the flow of the room.

Sofia loved to cook, but Julian criticized her for not cleaning up quickly enough, although he did not offer to help. He did not like her to leave her makeup in the bathroom or her clothes in his closet. In short, Sofia felt as though she was an unwanted guest rather than his romantic partner.

After six months, Sofia gave up. She told Julian that it was clear he had not made space for her in his home and suggested that they look for a new place that would be theirs together, not his or hers. He refused. He loved his apartment, he told her, and he was not moving out or changing it to accommodate her.

Sofia had not seen this side of Julian in the three years prior to moving in with him. Sadly, after much thought, she told him that she thought they could not live together. She did not want to break up, she said, but he told her he thought they should end the relationship. Although a part of her knew he was right, Sofia still experienced his response as a rejection.

A breakup, even one that you want, is hard in many ways.

It’s the end of a

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