Walter was distraught. He had spent the morning at his son Jake's sixth-grade fall conferences. He was trying his best to understand his son's less-than-average performance in math, English and social studies. It sounded like Jake’s teachers were making excuses for his son when they spoke of his inattention and disorganization. For Walter, this meant his son was a loser, just lazy and distracted by childish interests. Yet at the same time, he couldn't help but remember his father's talks with him about his own poor performance in school. He had always promised that he would never do the same to his son—blame and humiliate him. Yet here he was with the very same thoughts and feelings swirling around his head. Walter was confused, even angry. He knew that wasn’t going to be very helpful to Jake.

Thinking through what he could say to Jake, Walter was grateful that he could talk it over with his wife, Marcia. She had been a very good student and did well in school. She didn’t have the same feelings. As she had listened, together with Walter, she understood what the teachers explained very differently. She recognized that Jake had organizational and focus issues that were getting in his way in spite of the efforts he made. Interestingly, Jake reminded her of her younger brother who had similar learning problems in school. She found herself thinking about how her parents had supported Sam and how well all of their care really helped him become a more successful student.

But what could be done for Jake? Why did she and Walter hear things so differently, and more importantly what could they do together to help?

In our clinical experience with families like Jake’s, we have found that the problem often is not simply the child’s learning issues. These can be addressed with good educational planning. Beginning with a neuropsychological evaluation of Jake’s learning style, the issues that impact his........

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