Mistakes in sports and other performance endeavors are inevitable.

Responding to mistakes with psychological flexibility allows performers to learn from them and keep on going.

Prepare yourself to be ready for mistakes; don't worry about them happening.

“The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way."

Handy wisdom from Scottish American industrialist and philanthropist Andrew Carnegie. We'll rephrase as "the successful person will profit from their mistakes and try again in a different way."

Mistakes happen and are a normal and inevitable part of sports and life. We aren't perfect and never will be, as explored here: Seek Daily Improvement Instead of Perfect Performance. Baseball hitters are going to strike out multiple times, musicians are going to strike the wrong note, and basketball players are going to miss free throws. It's all part of the performance experience.

It’s how we respond to those miscues that will either result in more screw-ups or to profitability. Workable responding can pivot us from disappointment, frustration, and anger often experienced with mistakes to effective adjustments and improved performance.

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), a popular approach of sports psychology practitioners around the world, teaches that when a mistake happens, it’s an opportunity to figure out what went wrong, adjust, and keep going. We must move on from mistakes—and the pesky, distracting thoughts and emotions that tag along with them—to perform effectively.

It’s what ACT calls psychological flexibility. “The tree that bends doesn’t break,” as esteemed British psychologist Ross White, Ph.D., metaphorically explains. That’s a Tanzanian proverb White used.

Herein is how to flexibly bend in the wind and respond effectively to mistakes.

What Athletic Elites Have to Say

Tennis extraordinaire Serena Williams: “I really think a champion is not defined by their wins but by how they can recover when they fail.”

NBA basketball coach Doc Rivers: “I won’t get upset at you about a mistake. I’ll get upset at you for the next mistake that comes from still thinking about the last mistake.”

NBA Hall-of-Famer Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: “I think someone should explain to the child that it is ok to make mistakes. That is how we learn. When we compete, we make mistakes.”

Again, our ability to learn from mistakes and respond to them in a manner that allows us to move on from them is what will lead to success.

Wise and experienced coaches, instructors, and trainers want to observe a performer's failure at a tryout or during the recruiting process. That’s because they want to see how the performer of interest responds to their mistakes. The performer that effectively adjusts and keeps on going is a highly valued asset. Demonstrating such psychological flexibility reveals more about a person's competitive merit than any basketball dunk or a baseball pitch velocity can.

The athlete and performer that responds to mistakes with frustration or anger is their ticket to failing an audition, benched, and potential career-ending destruction. Negative body language, rageful behavior, lost focus, poor skill execution, moping, etc., are prime examples of the tree breaking because it wouldn’t bend.

Psychological Flexibility in a Nutshell

Remind yourself that mistakes are going to happen. Don’t worry about potential mistakes, prepare and be ready and able to respond to them with psychological flexibility. Worrying is a distraction that can get in the way of successful performance.

Yucky unwanted thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations are likely that show up after a failure. Train yourself to be prepared for that distracting inside stuff so that when it inevitably arrives, you’re able to allow for it and pivot to a focus on what you need to do next. Pause with a deep breath, notice what’s happened, and wisely respond with effective behavior. Pause, notice, reflect, and choose.

All that is what ACT calls “acceptance” of that distracting inside stuff.

Acceptance means you’re acknowledging whatever thoughts, emotions, and body sensations appear, being willing to have them, and then focusing on the actions required of your performance. Trying to make thoughts, feelings, and body experiences go away often results in an obsession with them that can distract and wreck performance. Dwelling on that inside stuffy can intensify unpleasant emotion. Attempts to extinguish unwanted thoughts and feelings is like trying to put out a fire by squirting lighter fluid on it. Good luck with that.

Wisdom for Coaches and Parents

Many coaches and parents tell athletes to “trust the process,” but often rage and rant when a performer under their wing makes a mistake. Miscues are a normal part of the “process,” and when coaches and parents lose their cool and flip out, they fail to model "trusting the process," and how to move on. They inadvertently keep the athlete locked into the mistake. The process is derailed.

Follow the advice of Serena Williams, Kareen Abdul-Jabber, and Doc Rivers. Teach kids how to move on by demonstrating a psychologically flexible, cool-and-calm approach to mistakes, and directing them to focus on what’s next, not on what just happened with a mid-game lecture or temper tantrum. Athletes are already upset with whatever just happened. Stop pouring lighter fluid on it.

Competitive performance is like a war. There will be battles lost. Winning the war is the ultimate purpose of such endeavors.

Bothersome thoughts and emotions will inevitably show up. Be prepared and ready to respond effectively with psychological flexibility. Get present with a deep breath brief pause, notice and reflection on all you’re experiencing, allow for it, and move forward with the committed actions required of your performance.

A tree that doesn’t bend will snap and break. Swaying with the wind when a battle is lost will bear the fruit of winning the war.

There was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.

By submitting your information you agree to the Psychology Today Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

© Psychology Today