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Seeking validation is a normal, healthy human need.

But if your self-esteem is shaky, you may crave validation more than most.

Learning to love and validate yourself is always possible, with the right help and support.

We all need validation. Especially as children developing our sense of self, we need validation from our parents to build confidence and self-worth. Sadly, many of my clients didn’t receive enough validation when they were young, so now they struggle with low self-esteem.

If we worked hard on a school project, we needed to be told, “Well done! I’m so proud of you.” Crucially, not because we got an A for our project, but because we worked hard and did our best. Many parents, especially narcissistic ones, give praise only when their kids achieve highly.

That’s because narcissistic mums and dads see their kids as extensions of themselves. Their children’s success is their success. And their failures are also perceived to be a reflection of the self-involved parent, which triggers shame—an emotion that is unbearable for narcissistic folks.

If this is ringing bells for you, I’m sorry. It’s incredibly hard to grow up with this kind of parenting, because it progressively erodes your self-esteem, making you anxious and desperate for the tiny crumbs of praise and appreciation that come your way.

A Deep-Seated Hunger for Approval

Another thing I often see in my consulting room is people whose parents were too demanding, too pushy. Nothing was ever good enough for these hard taskmasters, making my clients feel worthless and like they could never........

© Psychology Today