Complaints from parents about kids being sassy, rude, and "obnoxious" are rampant in my practice. Here’s the most recent example that reflects what many moms and dads share on a regular basis:

Melanie (mom): You need to eat at the table.

Paige (4-year-old): You need to eat at the table. (Said with serious sass.)

Melanie: I mean it. The pretzels will have to go away if you don’t go to the table.

Paige: I mean it. The pretzels will have to go away if you don’t go to the table.

Melanie: You’ll have to go to the time-out chair if you don’t stop copying me.

Paige: You’ll have to go to the time-out chair if you don’t...say hello. (Giggles maniacally.) Na-na! I don’t have to go to time-out. I didn’t copy! I said ‘hello’!

I guide parents through a series of questions to come up with the most loving, useful strategies.

What do we know about what makes Paige tick?

No, Paige is not a sociopath. She is a fierce, extremely bright, and clever child who is a heat-seeking missile when it comes to being in charge and asserting power. She doesn't like to be told what to do, and she has very big reactions to not getting what she wants.

What do we think the function of this behavior is? What is Paige feeling and trying to communicate? What problem is she trying to solve?

Paige doesn't like limits. Her anger and disappointment launch her into "downstairs brain" mode; she gets very dysregulated and purges her........

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