In this post, I'll explore key therapeutic principles for assessing justified or unjustified family estrangement. Some name this "alienation"; however, as an attachment-focused therapist, I prefer to use the term "fractured attachment" to define how and why estrangement occurs. As therapists, we are trained to validate our clients’ perspectives, and estrangement is a legitimate response to past abuse. However, what if the estrangement is the result of manipulation? What if a client has been coerced into believing false narratives about a family member—or the entire family? What if an abuser has intentionally fractured the attachment to the (healthy) protective parent?

As therapists, we must assess for coercive control if we are to guide our clients toward gaining their own agency and ensure that clients can retain relationships with loving, supportive family members and disengage from abusive relationships.

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior in which one individual exerts power and dominance over another (Stark, 2007). It serves as the foundation of abuse. Within a family system, coercive control causes harm to both adult and child victims. It can also be inflicted by external influences (such as authority figures, cults, institutions, and organizations).

I have worked with parents grieving the loss of a relationship with a child with whom they had a loving attachment. Many of these children were indoctrinated by an abusive parent to believe a false narrative about their protective parent. I have also supported young adults who were influenced by individuals outside their family in ways that lead them to reduce or sever contact with their loved ones.

Recognizing coercive control is challenging, since physical violence is not the defining characteristic. Often and initially, abusers rely on psychological tactics such as

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