I ask every new patient a question early in treatment: "What is the most important relationship you have?"

The answers vary. Many say their child. Others name their spouse or partner. Some say God. All of these relationships matter profoundly, and I don't minimize their significance. But I always challenge the answer, because I believe the most important relationship each of us has is with ourselves.

Most people don't think of it that way. They don't conceptualize themselves as being in a relationship with themselves. But we all are. Every moment of every day, we're either treating ourselves well or not so well. We're either paying attention to ourselves, caring for our own needs, or we're neglecting ourselves—sometimes severely—or even actively abusing ourselves.

Plato explored this question in the First Alcibiades. Socrates asks young Alcibiades about the famous Delphic inscription "Know Thyself," then pushes deeper: what's the relationship between knowing yourself and caring for yourself (epimeleia)?

The dialogue reveals what modern psychology often misses. You must first know what you are in order to properly care for it. So Socrates asks: what IS the self? When Alcibiades suggests his body or possessions, Socrates demonstrates these can't be the self—they're things you have or use, but they aren't you. The self, Socrates concludes, is the psyche: that which moves the body, makes decisions, and experiences the world.

Understanding that the self is the psyche—the complete psychological architecture including drives, emotions, reasoning, and internal governance—clarifies what self-care actually means.

I use similar questioning in therapy. I'll ask about someone they love deeply—spouse, child—then ask: "If, God forbid, they were in an accident and lost an arm or leg, would you love them any less?" People invariably answer no. So I push: "But there's literally less of them. Why don't you love them less?"

Who we really love is their psyche, their psychological being. You would feel pain and compassion for their injury, but you wouldn't think less of them as a person. You wouldn't love them less.........

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