Why Relationships Matter

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Negotiating is about how to transform two different perspectives into a shared plan of action.

Negotiating is a step-by-step process to share individual perspectives and come up with shared goals.

Negotiation is how you sort through your daily activities, individual interest, and big life decisions.

Through negotiation, you learn about each other's preferences and each other as individual people.

This is Part II of Reimagining Intimate Relationships. Part I can be read here.

Negotiating collaboratively is a co-creative process that transforms two sets of preferences into a shared plan of action. It involves sharing your preferences with each other and talking about why these preferences are important to you. This discussion allows you to come up with a few ideas that will express your shared goals. Then you can decide upon a specific plan of action to address the issue discussed.

Through this process, you will learn about what is important to each of you. You may even learn something about the specific preferences that are stated. And neither of you will want the other to do something they regard as unattractive or unacceptable.

You will be negotiating joint activities like doing housework, caring for children, having fun together, and your sexual enjoyment. You will also negotiate individual activities like maintaining a productive work life, enjoying your individual friends, individual sports activities, etc. And you will be negotiating major life events like planning careers.

Sara and Lucas Negotiate a Parking Preference

Sara, 33, and Lucas, 34, dated for several months before deciding they wanted to live together. Both have had previous relationships but never lived with any of the people they........

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