You’re mid-argument with your partner. Your chest tightens. Your voice starts to rise. You say something you instantly regret. Your partner talks faster, gets defensive, then storms out. And just like that, you're back in the same exhausting loop you swore you’d stop falling into.

It’s tempting to call it a communication problem—or worse, a compatibility issue. But what if the root cause isn’t your words, or even your relationship habits?

What if it’s your nervous system?

Mental health is often framed as an individual pursuit: meditate, journal, get to therapy, drink more water! But the reality is, your nervous system isn’t wired to operate in isolation. It's wired for connection. Which means your emotional well-being is shaped every day by how safe, or unsafe, you feel in your relationships—especially your closest ones.

In romantic partnerships, our brains constantly scan for cues of safety or threat: a cold tone, a withdrawn glance, a delayed text response. These seemingly small things can trigger a huge physiological response. It’s not just in your head; it’s in your body.

This process is called neuroception, a term coined by Stephen Porges as part of Polyvagal Theory. Neuroception is your body’s automatic and unconscious system for evaluating whether people and situations feel safe, dangerous, or life-threatening. And when your brain interprets something as a........

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