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Fear of rejection can make small details feel much more meaningful than they are.

You can spend hours replaying a conversation without getting any closer to knowing what someone thought.

Reassurance may bring temporary relief, but repeatedly seeking it can keep the anxiety going.

Feeling embarrassed afterward does not necessarily mean you did something wrong.

You had dinner with your girlfriends. It was a fun night. You laughed a lot, as usual, and even put a date on your calendars for the next night out. Later that night, as you wash your face before bed, something you said at dinner comes back to you. You noticed it at the time but didn’t think much of it, and the uneasy feeling quickly passed. Now you’re replaying the interaction and wondering whether you came across as rude. Did you interrupt someone? You know you tend to do that. Was the joke you told actually funny? What was that look on one friend’s face? Was she irritated that you asked about her marriage?

This is where an ordinary interaction can take on outsized importance. Everything someone does starts to feel like a judgment, criticism, or a sign they're upset with you. You remember one friend eyeing the server for the check while you were in the middle of a story, and you wonder if she was bored. Soon, you’re wondering whether you bored the whole table and whether they texted each other afterward to talk about you. You may even start imagining them figuring out how to avoid the next dinner or planning when they can get together without you.

In my private practice as a psychotherapist, I see this often. Rather than simply calling it “overthinking” and focusing only on how to stop, I am interested in what someone is trying to accomplish by replaying the interaction. The reality is, you probably remember what happened. What you don’t know, and what you’re trying to figure out, is........

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