The Challenges of Divorce

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High-conflict gray divorce can leave adult children stuck in grief years later.

Accepting painful facts, without resistance, can help end needless suffering.

Radical acceptance means facing reality, not approving of what happened.

This is the first post in this series.

My therapy dog, Friede, and I met Olivia, 25, in the waiting area. She invited Friede to join her on the sofa and began.

"I'm so glad you have Friede. The therapy dog at my rehab facility helped me so much in my recovery. Every day, his understanding eyes locked onto mine, and his unconditional love washed over me. Oh, and it's nice to meet you, too, Dr. Hughes!" She smiled and rolled her eyes in feigned embarrassment.

"It's OK," I said. "I'm accustomed to playing second fiddle to Friede."

Olivia settled on the love seat in my office. "My aftercare program referred me to you. I also have a sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous. I'll be brief." She continued in a hurried, staccato style, like she was marching in lockstep.

"I know I wrote most of this in the questionnaires for you, but I want you to hear my words out loud. Is that OK?"

"I'm an only child. Besides Mom and Dad, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents were my family. My parents divorced at 50 when I was 10. My life changed overnight. It was a high-conflict divorce that lasted for over eight years. I had a minor's counsel, a good man, who helped me as much as he could. Some of our relatives lined up on Dad's side, some on Mom's side. I lived amid constant bad-mouthing from all sides. I felt like I was living in a war zone, which I........

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